


Futile Struggle

by manquant



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Coulvary - Freeform, F/M, Mayson - Freeform, Philinda - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-17
Updated: 2014-04-17
Packaged: 2018-01-19 18:32:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1479784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manquant/pseuds/manquant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Well I am quite tired from all the hurt (which I don't think will stop since Audrey the cellist is coming) so I'm going for a reconciliation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Futile Struggle

A knock. She tried another one. She knew him too well to know he's inside, just not answering the door. She opens it after a third knock. She finds him with his back behind her, pretending to admire his collection.

"The skies are clear so I left the bus on autopilot." No signs of him responding anytime soon so she continues. "I know that I have hurt you, all that's happened - it happened way too fast. It's like a heavy downpour that never stops to make space for anyone to cope or breathe. I am sorry I broke your trust but I am not sorry for the reason I am doing all this, caring for you. I meant it, every word I said when we were on the medbay. Okay, it might be a little selfish on my part to make you think you assembled this team but don't ever think any part of what I did is pretend. You should know, out of all people, I am not like that."

He started to face her. She can feel her panic rising but she did not turn away. "Don't interrupt me just yet. I have decided. I am staying. Even if you want me out, I'm staying - you're going to have a hard time in convincing me otherwise. I'm staying because I wouldn't be able to bear it if something happens to you and I can do nothing about it again. Phil, if you just let me explain... I may not have all the answers you need but at least you'll have some."

She was startled to see him looking right at her. His eyes were a pool of emotions. As much as she wanted to leave, she knows she has to stay for this.

"Mel. Melinda. The truth is, even at this moment, I am not sure of myself at all. I want to be angry at you for keeping all these secrets from me but I admit I have also done the same to you in the past for the same purpose, to protect you. This is my Bahrain and I'm sorry for lashing out at you when you have always been by my side through all this..." She reaches out to hold his hands and they found each other's at the same time. "Phil, you're not supposed to be sorry."

"No, I really am ashamed to face you right now, Mel. It was you who understood me all this time. Supported me and had my back. You said it's the same thing. All this trouble made me forget that. I have to ask for your forgiveness."

"Oh don't do that..." Tears started brimming in his eyes and so does hers as their memories come rushing but she tried her best to fight them back, albeit the struggle was quite useless. "I did wrong too. I pushed you away after Bahrain. Isolated myself. Yes, I did take the office work so as to wall myself but being on The Bus proved I should have stayed by your side. I have been quiet more than ever but my ghosts never gave me peace. Pent-up issues imprisoned me until you came smiling to my office desk."

They both realize that not only are they holding hands, they are also unaware they're being in very close proximity. Not that anyone minds. "So does now mean we can go back to how it was?"

"Back, I don't think so. All we can do is move forward. All I know is that I still trust this man in front of me even if he left me in pieces when he died in the battle of New York and continues to worry me to no end with his methods with regards to handling things." She broke into a smile and he unclasped one of his hands to wipe her tears.

He smiles back at him. "You have the sweetest smile I have ever seen, Melinda May. With everything being in chaos at the moment, I know better than to argue that you're not my guiding light. You very much are. And even when I thought I didn't want to, I always had an unwavering trust in you, Melinda. In the past, I was too blind to see what Garrett had seen, probably everyone else including Ward - the fact that you'd do anything for me. I am loyal to you but I don't think I can match the level of faith you have in me. It seems I'll always owe you."

"Phil, it's not a contest. As I said, when you tell me you're ready, I'll tell you what I think you ought to know. Do you trust me enough to decide on that?"

"Yes. If there is one thing I am sure more than ever, it is you." With that, he enveloped her into a deep hug which they knew is what they needed most with the circumstances. _The world is wrong but them together maybe the only thing right about it._

**Author's Note:**

> Coulson should know better to give time to rationalize instead of blaming May for every wretched thing. Goodness, she just knew things but not everything. Let's take a breath, okay?
> 
> This is my first fic and I don't know how this will play out - me doing more or something. Actually, I just want this show to stop breaking my poor Melinda May's heart. Que sera, sera~


End file.
